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Old 12th Apr 2013, 23:46   #1
Lucoid
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Default The best (worst) TripAdvisor reviews

I read TripAdvisor reviews. A lot. It's all in the name of research, but for work, not for all those fabulous holidays I rarely go on (work in travel; travelling gives me The Fear), so I always look forward to stumbling across godawful reviews - they're the little gems that bring sparkle to my day, one of the unadvertised perks of the job. And just now, inspired by spotting the old Best Worst Amazon Reviews thread (or whatever it's called), I had a moment of lazy creative genius and thought, why only share these terrible/awesome examples with an appreciative colleague? Spread the joy amongst fellow Palimpers too!

And so, after rather a wordy preamble, here is my first offering, part of a review from a Texan returning from Tunisia:

Quote:
Staff dont understand English at all and when you ask for someting you get something else completely wrong comaring to what you said aor reserve : like at the spa all the staff are not enough trained and they are selling whet they dont know at all .
The Receptionist lasy is so rude and the spa supervisor was just looking and walking for nothing or she is missing .
Reading that, I'm not sure I understand English at all either.
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Old 13th Apr 2013, 1:30   #2
Lucoid
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Default Re: The best (worst) TripAdvisor reviews

In the interests of balance and to show that my game isn't just about being mean to the barely literate, I was going to post my favourite excerpts from my favourite TripAdvisor review of all time, a highly entertaining write-up of a horrible experience at one of Vegas's most appallingly full-on party hotels. Unfortunately, though, I can't find it, and not for want of trying. I've trawled through 230 pages of reviews (out of 459) and still haven't reached it. It's now past midnight and I'm going to have to admit defeat - not even I'm that obsessive.

*returns to TripAdvisor to carry on searching*
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Old 14th Apr 2013, 18:10   #3
Beth
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Default Re: The best (worst) TripAdvisor reviews

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucoid View Post

Reading that, I'm not sure I understand English at all either.
They let him out of the country?
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Old 17th Apr 2013, 1:32   #4
JunkMonkey
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Default Re: The best (worst) TripAdvisor reviews

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucoid View Post

*returns to TripAdvisor to carry on searching*
I am agog with anticipation...
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Old 2nd May 2013, 13:57   #5
Lucoid
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Default Re: The best (worst) TripAdvisor reviews

Quote:
Originally Posted by JunkMonkey View Post
I am agog with anticipation...
Found it! I do hope you've been wearing an agog look on your face for all this time (but haven't been holding your breath - if you have, my condolences to your family).

This review, my all time favourite, was posted last year and concerns the appalling behaviour of the reviewers' fellow guests at a Las Vegas hotel - the kind of hotel where life centres around pool parties and copious alcohol consumption.

Things get off to a bittersweet start when they're "given a room overlooking the pool", a real plus point on most holidays, but when they found they "had no need to go down sixteen storeys to hear the music" the view was somewhat overshadowed by the beat: "it rattled through the windows and pervaded our stay." As for the room itself, that was a bit hit and miss too:

Quote:
The saving grace was that the beds they have there are amazing and it was like sleeping on a cloud. A pity they couldn't be bothered to give us more than one roll of toilet tissue during our three night stay though (and there was no answer when I called housekeeping) as that might have made the room at least a haven.
But all this is just introduction, part of the build to the big finale. I love the last section of this review so much I'm going to leave it intact. Enjoy!

Quote:
I felt so bad for the older or family groups we saw who wandered lost and dazed in this murky den of debauchery. We just could have done with being able to have a quiet break in a hotel where you aren't looked down on by louts for not getting smashed in a pool full of frottaging youths (a pool that looked horribly cloudy), aren't insulted to your face by mashed up fellow guests while innocently entering your own hotel room, and made to feel a freak for not joining in with the freak show. Vegas Baby? I wonder exactly how many have been made in that revolting public party pool...
It's the frottaging that does it for me every time (no disgusting pun intended).
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Old 2nd May 2013, 17:01   #6
JunkMonkey
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Default Re: The best (worst) TripAdvisor reviews

"Frottage". There's a word I haven't seen for a long time. I first came across it when I was a teen and working in a second-hand bookshop owned by a family firm of notorious pornographers.
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Old 3rd May 2013, 12:52   #7
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Default Re: The best (worst) TripAdvisor reviews

I had to look it up. Am I right in thinking that this is basically cottaging, only orientation non-specific and without the penetration? Can't wait to find out what else rhymes!
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Old 3rd May 2013, 13:37   #8
Lucoid
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Default Re: The best (worst) TripAdvisor reviews

I had to look it up too. I think this pool is in dire need of a 'No heavy petting' notice.
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Old 4th May 2013, 18:54   #9
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Default Re: The best (worst) TripAdvisor reviews

No Diving, no Bombing, no Splashing, no Swinging, no-
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Old 9th May 2013, 22:33   #10
Lucoid
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Default Re: The best (worst) TripAdvisor reviews

One reviewer holidaying in Majorca last month was generous enough to share this handy tip:

Quote:
For the best views go for the higher floors and take a travel kettle!
I've never before considered that a kitchen appliance might enhance the panorama from my hotel balcony but will definitely give it a try next time I'm away.
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