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Old 26th Mar 2009, 20:03   #1
amner
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Default Lesbian Vampire Killers

I would say it's been a fairly grim couple of weeks for Matthew Horne and James Corden, adored laddish double-act of Gavin & Stacey fame. Not only has their cock-shrivellingly awful sketch show been universally derided in the press, but they've also had to endure a total mauling at the movies as this, their first big screen collaborative project, has rolled out to empty screenings up and down the country.

So, I'll be nice, because they're lovely aren't they? The fat one, the cadaverous one, they're, you know, really well liked and that. What with their...stuff.

The funny...stuff.

You know. Fatness. And looking all surprised and a bit, sort of, angular. People like that.

James does his robot dance (again). And shouts 'fuck' a lot. Matthew...does...that, er, that thing. The thing with his face. The angular face thing. He does that. A lot. People like that. I imagine. Which is good, because he does that here. A lot.

So, they're good at that. It works, I expect, for them. It must do. because they do it. Like, a lot. Loads.

James, the dance, the shouting; Matthew, the face, the angular...face.

All good. All, you know, there...

Er, and the seats. Yes, the seats were great. Really, really comfy. Really very comfy seats indeed. God, they were comfy. To the max. They were comfort maxed out. Oh yes, sirree. No problem with the comfort from the seats.

And I was particularly impressed with the guys from Cineworld. They'd cleaned and taken away all the litter and stuff. That was good. Nice, clean cinema. Really very clean. Spotless, actually. I'd go so far as to say spotless. Oh yeah, top marks for that! Well done, Cineworld. Good job.

Good, good job there.

Ah! Now...one thing I wasn't sure about was the food and drink. I was kind of pushed. Bit rushed, hectic life, yadda yadda. God, I'm sure you don't want to know, but there was this thing at work, and I was kind of in a bit of a flap, so food wasn't a priority. But I bet it would have been great. Looked great. Looked really good. Drinks, popcorn, the other things. All looked excellent. Can't really comment, but I'm sure I'd be praising that too.

So.

I hope they can use some of this. Back of the DVD maybe, chaps? Just ask. Just you know, email, facebook, tweet me. Yeah, tweet me...happy to oblige. You'll recognise me, I was the only person in the 300 seat theatre. OK?

Cheers.

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Old 26th Mar 2009, 20:08   #2
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Default Re: Lesbian Vampire Killers

Ah, cheers Amner!

You're a brave man, sir, and I'd like to thank you for taking one for the team so courageously.
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Old 26th Mar 2009, 20:15   #3
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Default Re: Lesbian Vampire Killers

Some of my students devised a film about gay zombies for their film project last term and I gave them a terrible grade accompanied by the observation that it was an extremely juvenile idea that would never be commissioned and that only idiots who find homosexuality innately hilarious would enjoy it.

Boy is my face red. Wrong on both counts if even Chris Moyles's audience avoids it.
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Old 26th Mar 2009, 20:19   #4
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Default Re: Lesbian Vampire Killers

So pretty low down on the Lesbian Vampire genre pecking order then? Worse than Tony Scots' The Hunger, Jess Franco's Vampiros lesbos etc.?

(BTW, I want to see Vampire Lesbian Kickboxers if anyone has a copy...)
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Old 26th Mar 2009, 20:31   #5
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Default Re: Lesbian Vampire Killers

Hey, a review in the style of a Stewart Lee routine!

Nice one amner.
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Old 26th Mar 2009, 20:40   #6
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Default Re: Lesbian Vampire Killers

The film looks awesome. As a woman, I'm not too sure about the lesbian parts of it, but I guess it'll be a good laugh! That's this weekends excitement!!!

Last edited by looloo; 30th Mar 2009 at 13:17.
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Old 26th Mar 2009, 20:49   #7
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Default Re: Lesbian Vampire Killers

Quote:
Originally Posted by looloo View Post
As a woman, I'm not too sure about the lesbian parts
You'll soon pick it up.
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Old 26th Mar 2009, 21:13   #8
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Default Re: Lesbian Vampire Killers

Quote:
Originally Posted by looloo View Post
...I'm not too sure about the lesbian parts...
Same parts as straight girls, aren't they?

Sorry. I'll get my coat...
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Old 26th Mar 2009, 22:13   #9
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Default Re: Lesbian Vampire Killers

I can't quite believe you went through with it, amner. A noble effort nonetheless!
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Old 26th Mar 2009, 22:17   #10
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Default Re: Lesbian Vampire Killers

Quote:
Originally Posted by John Self View Post
Hey, a review in the style of a Stewart Lee routine!

Nice one amner.

hehehe...rumbled.
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