Palimpsest  

Go Back   Palimpsest > User Forums > Palimpton Crescent

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 4th Jul 2007, 12:44   #1
gil
Senior Palimpsester
has the freedom of Palimp City
 
gil's Avatar
 
Join Date: 21 May 2003
Location: Farnham, UK
Posts: 3,287
Default The Caber Menace

Couldn't resist transcribing thios recent exchange on Orange MC - a Mornington Crescent site.
Quote:

StormWraith
I'm afraid I'm with Stevie here. The threat of "concealed Cabers" is a societal menace that is painfully ignored here in Canada, do to certain lobbyist groups who have managed thus far to keep them legal. The NCA(National Caber-Tossers Association) is a powerful group here. So far they hae managed to pay off the politicians and keep Cabers legal. In some towns it is required to 'Register' your Caber, but the 'licensing' rules are a joke. I mean, seriously... when some athel-brose crazed mad-man comes lunging towards you with a Caber, what do YOU care about whether it's a legal or an unregistered Caber? And with a concealed Caber, you might never know he has one until it's too late. Hell, in some of our high schools kids now smuggle concealed cabers into class-rooms and school lockers. And they're worse than guns, naturally, because a Caber won't show up on a metal detector. (Except for the rapper-Cabers, 'cause they're usually 'well-blinged' and the ornaments may trip a sensor.) All in all, this is a dangerously under-rated threat here... (15:21, Wed 27-Jun-2007)
Breadmaster
Further misunderstanding and demonisation of the Caber community. Why are these old baseless suspicions, which have been thoroughly refuted many times, still in circulation? The facts are these:
(1) Cabers are perfectly legal, and anyone who wishes to carry one may do so without having to declare it.
(2) More people are seriously injured or killed every year by pictures unexpectedly falling off the wall onto their heads than by Cabers.
(3) The use of Cabers is an irreplaceable and unique part of our heritage.
(4) The vast majority of Caber enthusiasts are law-abiding, responsible adults.
(5) It is virtually impossible for a properly maintained and serviced Caber to go off accidentally.
The possibility of Caber misuse by the incompetent or malicious is highly unlikely given the over-strict licensing laws that already exist. And before you rush to condemn, consider all the positive uses that can be made of a Caber. Should a purse-snatcher be dashing down the street, the Caber carrier can easily squish him at a moment's notice. Should a small child be caught in a turbulent river and be swept away, the Caber carrier can quickly block the water in front of him. Should the mast of a ship be irreparably damaged in a storm while on the high seas, the Caber carrier can instantly provide a sturdy replacement. (07:28, Fri 29-Jun-2007)

Merlyn - "caber"
You say that most caber carriers are law abiding adults (and I agree) - so why has my cousin be stopped and searched 6 times in the last year, just because he has ginger hair and wears a kilt? Most of the time he hasn't got his caber with him - the police are institutionally racist and are developing a crime of Living whilst Scottish. It is an absolute outrage. The Police have accused my cousin of having 'concealed cabers', 'intent to supply haggis', and 'producing indecent pictures of loch dwelling lifeforms'. He is very distressed by this treatment. (09:20, Fri 29-Jun-2007)

Raak
I had four cabers before the gummint took them away. What I'd really like is for the sport of Practical Caber to come back --throwing cabers at realistic targets -- but there's no chance of that short of a revolution. And the toy pairliament's even worse than the English for hurlophobia. (10:19, Fri 29-Jun-2007)

Projoy
[Breadmaster] You say that cabers are perfectly safe, yet in the past ten years we have seen no less than 20 serious caber incidents on American college campuses. Why, even last week a young, disaffected student brought five cabers into school, concealed in his satchel, and the resulting siege in the school library, with the head librarian held at caberpoint, could only be resolved by a dedicated McSWAT team, who were only just able to negotiate the student out using the threat of their superior toss power. Deregulate cabers and you can expect this sort of thing to happen every week! And what about the deforestation? I think it's very suspicious that one of the major culprits is called "McDonald's" (12:08, Fri 29-Jun-2007)

Stevie
Projoy makes a very good point, and furthermore I don't think I have to point out (though I will as usual) that various "security briefings" and "dossiers" hinting at vast buried stores of Cabers of Mass Destruction (presumably made from Sequoias) led to the current debacle in the Middle East. People distrust cabers and the beskirted men that carry them. This alone should mandate the beating of cabers into pencils and pier pilings, and the banning of tartan in any other milieu than that of the American tourist/golfer. (14:01, Fri 29-Jun-2007)

StormWraith - "Cabers"
I cannnot agree more with [Stevie]. The excuse that, "If Cabers are Outlawed, Only Outlaws will hve Cabers" is clearly ridiculous. Unless, of course, these Caber-Supporters are willing to confess themselves outlaws in our current society. The number of incidents of private Cabers being used for 'positive' incidents is remarkably low compared to published and acknowledged incidents of their abuse.The simple fact is that even children coming across an incorrectly stored Caber can cause accidents and even fatalities through otherwise innocent 'play' - the Hollywood depictions of Cabers only add to the appeal of this weapon among those who do not comprehend the true tragedy involved in their real world 'misuse'. The problem extends to areas where some societies have allowed Caber usage to infiltrate their culture in seemingly 'innocent' guises. I speak, of course, of the oriental penchant for allowing 'micro' or 'mini-cabers' into common eating areas under the guise of 'cultural eating tools' or 'chopsticks'. This is one of those incidents of political correctness gone mad. Surely in a civilised country their comes a time where, despite supposed 'cultural' or 'heritage' considerations, certain barbaric traditions MUST be outlawed for the common good. We have perfectly safe alternatives in the western world to those outmoded relics, and any immigrant can easily learn the safe and civilized alternatives of the bendy fork or round-tipped knife instead of pretending that these conealed WEAPONS serve any legitmate benefit in the Modern World. Why, the rot has set in so far that I can (should I so desire) walk in to most Common Ethnic Restaurants and see these dangerous weapons LYING AROUND ON TABLES!!! Where any child or hoodlum can just Pick them up to abuse as they wish. When, oh WHEN will the government come to their senses and outlaw these archaic, dangerous, and concealable weapons?!? We, the people who pay their wages, have the RIGHT to DEMAND they stand up for the Honest Constituents who have placed them in office... (16:54, Fri 29-Jun-2007)

Projoy
I agree mostly with StormWraith, but it is also worth remembering that powerful slogan used by the other side: "Cabers don't kill people; tossers do." (05:09, Sat 30-Jun-2007)

Merlyn
Projoy] well said (19:10, Sun 01-Jul-2007)

I Say, Porter! - "Tossers"
No, love, it's a caber in my pocket. I'd rather ye buggered off. (12:16
, Mon 02-Jul-2007)
gil is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th Jul 2007, 13:59   #2
Ang
Senior Palimpsester
suckles at the teat of the Palim-God
 
Ang's Avatar
 
Join Date: 25 Oct 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 3,198
Default Re: The Caber Menace

Nice one. The images are amazing! All good posts, but this is my personal favourite:
Quote:
Merlyn - "caber"
You say that most caber carriers are law abiding adults (and I agree) - so why has my cousin be stopped and searched 6 times in the last year, just because he has ginger hair and wears a kilt? Most of the time he hasn't got his caber with him - the police are institutionally racist and are developing a crime of Living whilst Scottish. It is an absolute outrage. The Police have accused my cousin of having 'concealed cabers', 'intent to supply haggis', and 'producing indecent pictures of loch dwelling lifeforms'. He is very distressed by this treatment.
__________________
2014 2013 2012 2011 2010 2009 2008=post 80611
Ang is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th Jul 2007, 12:38   #3
Noumenon
Senior Palimpsester

has the freedom of Palimp City
 
Noumenon's Avatar
 
Join Date: 13 Jul 2006
Location: Madrid, Spain
Posts: 3,786
Default Re: The Caber Menace

Personally, aside from the appalling spelling, I don't see what the big deal is. Unless packaged in a jar (as here) I can't see how throwing your food around is going to hurt anyone. Much less unpleasant than eating them.
Noumenon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th Jul 2007, 10:07   #4
gil
Senior Palimpsester
has the freedom of Palimp City
 
gil's Avatar
 
Join Date: 21 May 2003
Location: Farnham, UK
Posts: 3,287
Default Re: The Caber Menace

You now remind me of Thurber, who, having discussed "the container for the thing contained" (e.g. "Would you like some marmalade?" "Yes, please, I'll have a jar.") was looking for examples of "the thing contained for the container" and came up with the music hall joke: "How did you get that bump on your head?" "My wife threw some tomatoes at me." "But that couldn't injure you like that!" "They were still in the can."
gil is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th Jul 2007, 11:48   #5
Hekaterine
Palimpsestarian
laughs in the face of fear
 
Hekaterine's Avatar
 
Join Date: 14 Jun 2006
Location: Afloat!
Posts: 966
Default Re: The Caber Menace

At risk of wandering completely off topic here, but gil, your post reminds me of a bit of doggerel I heard as a child, which I may not have remembered perfectly, but went along the lines of:

I've been to the doctors with my brother Jim
Somebody threw a tomato at him.
Tomatoes are soft and they don't bruise the skin
But this bugger did - it was still in the tin.
Hekaterine is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 8:49.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.