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Old 17th Nov 2006, 15:20   #51
Noumenon
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Default Re: Haikus

How to laboriously satisfy:

Some or
more tumble,
Few interpret the true form,
I Spring to your aid.

Can anyone improve on my poor phonetic inclusion of the seasons?
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Old 17th Nov 2006, 15:25   #52
Kimberley
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Default Re: Haikus

No, but I think you have a split infinitive there, nou

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Old 17th Nov 2006, 15:32   #53
Noumenon
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Default Re: Haikus

I split on infinitives. Ptah.
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Old 17th Nov 2006, 15:34   #54
Kimberley
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Default Re: Haikus

I actually wrote this one seriously. Please be kind.
Seen through my window
Low grown yellow leaves still cling
Against the wind’s force.
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Old 17th Nov 2006, 18:56   #55
leyla
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Default Re: Haikus

I am still waiting
When will the haiku police
Point out my clanger

Surely my efforts
Simplistic five seven fives
Cannot be haikus

Let's add a challenge
Like Nou's cramming in seasons
But somehow different

My tummy's rumbling
It is time to put an end
To my wittering
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Old 18th Nov 2006, 15:50   #56
ono no komachi
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Default Re: Haikus

The following thoughts
Are just my own impression.
I may well be wrong.

An image begins:
Next line completes idea.
Lastly, pondering.

But in Japanese
more meaning per syllable
allows greater depth.
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Old 19th Nov 2006, 10:56   #57
leyla
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Default Re: Haikus

Russet and auburn
Crisp released leaves line the earth
Magical carpet

Bare boughs sway and wave
Final farewell to their young
Leaves rustle goodbye

Sudden explosion
Trembling last rites ripped by noise
Neighbour's leaf hoover

Deafening motor
Blasts nature's tranquil pathos
And my own slumber

Why must they suck leaves
At the anti-social time
Of eight Sunday morn?
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