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Old 6th Nov 2004, 17:54   #21
John Self
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More from McSweeney's.

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ACTUAL DIALOGUE FROM RADIO COMMERCIALS THAT I'VE BEEN ASKED TO DELIVER "BELIEVABLY"

BY BRIAN SACK

- - - -

Just a minute, honey! I'm downstairs installing a new Filtrete Air Filter.

Mmmmmhhh. What happened to those sandpaper feet? They're so soft now. Went to the podiatrist, eh?

Thomas, my friend, the meat gods have known their will.

They're a credit union, Walter, a credit union offering an honest 3.9 percent car loan in a shifty 0 percent world.

Well, Publix salmon has a mild and pleasant flavor. And they trim the skin off in the store, so you don't have to do it yourself.

You know, that's hundred-percent-guaranteed gas you're putting in your car there.

Boy, I'd love a chocolate-glazed Munchkin from Dunkin' Donuts.

Less fat in your food means fewer calories in you!

Golf shop! Hee haw! Go golf shop! Woo Hoo!

I want to relax by the pool with someone I love.

Ohhh, baby, this new Dannon La Creme Mousse takes indulgence to a whole new level. Mmmm...

Yes, I do believe someone is slicing juicy, very tender roast beef at this very moment.

If I have to go around the world to make sure our customers get the taste they expect when they buy our cheese, I'm ready.

There's a new laxative on the horizon.
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Old 11th Nov 2004, 14:34   #22
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Why computer games should stay should stay in the computer. Click a pic and then use the Next/Previous arrows...

Some of these are plain hilarious, Mistress Betty is just a real worry.
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Old 11th Nov 2004, 14:44   #23
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Yes, or how about Nollan Voyd, aka Man in Suit.

Some aren't bad, though: Diva 7 is pretty damn close to the unreal thing.
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Old 11th Nov 2004, 14:50   #24
wshaw
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Small Goat really shouldn't have bothered.
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Old 11th Nov 2004, 14:57   #25
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I am informed that Avonlea is a bloke.
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Old 12th Nov 2004, 10:52   #26
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Baywatch. In Birmingham.

You need sound.
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Old 15th Nov 2004, 22:53   #27
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The trouble with the web is that there's too much of it. Even when sites are no longer any use, they hang about and clutter up the electronic ether. So when I happened tonight upon an old music discussion site I had run and which has long been stagnant, I conscientiously deleted it. I mention this only as a preface to reproducing the welcome message for the site, which quite amused me even now:

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xxxxxxxxxxxxx celebrates its 25th birthday this week!

Founded as a response to the Silver Jubilee celebrations, we have been on the cutting edge of the medium since then. In our very first month, indeed, we were instrumental in ensuring that sales of the Sex Pistols' God Save the Queen would be disregarded for Gallup chart purposes, a result which safely installed Rod Stewart's seminal Sailing in the number one slot instead. We are still working on the private prosecution of Glen Matlock for treason. There's no statute of limitations for betraying your country, Glen!

Join now and look back on all those memorable debates:

June 1981: Woman and Superman: Nietzschean determinism meets burn-your-skirts feminism in Bucks Fizz's The Land of Make Believe
September 1985: Abba look out! Here comes Falco!
August 1988: London Boys vs. Milli Vanilli: Who's the Hunkiest?
April 1995: A Flash in the Britpan: Why Blur are the new Falco: A Personal View
December 1998: Saviour's Day by Cliff Richard: tablature for guitar and keyboard
January 2002: Mr Rolf Harris: An Apology

So join now and be a part of the oldest and most intelligent music community on the web!
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Old 23rd Nov 2004, 20:18   #28
wshaw
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I suspect internet gambling sites are making too much money.
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Old 23rd Nov 2004, 21:36   #29
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wshaw
I suspect internet gambling sites are making too much money.
yeah you could say that. Mind you, it did have something of the Madonna about it. Reminds me of the old black and white Eastenders titles which had a passable Mona Lisa somewhere around the Isle of Dogs. Unfortunately when they added colour she disappeared, so if you haven't seen it, you probably never will.
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Old 24th Nov 2004, 11:40   #30
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Amazon have started their own search engine, called A9.

It's pretty useful, as buttons on the right hand side show different search information, searching the web, image searches, amazon itself and also IMDB, which is pretty neat.

It also allows you to sign in and keep your search histories, which could be useful or dangerous, depending on your proclivities.
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