Palimpsest  

Go Back   Palimpsest > User Forums > General Chat


Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 9th Aug 2006, 2:35   #1
Noumenon
Senior Palimpsester

has the freedom of Palimp City
 
Noumenon's Avatar
 
Join Date: 13 Jul 2006
Location: Madrid, Spain
Posts: 3,785
Default The Big Brother Challenges

I hate Big Brother. I don't watch it now, but my job means I hear about it every working day and in my opinion the only thing worse than hearing about it is watching it, although it's a close run thing. Maybe you feel the same way and would prefer not to even think about it, but bare with me.

I was reluctantly dragged into the Big Bro audience back in the good old days halfway through Series 1; back when BB seemed to mean something, when I could just about hear that music and not weep blood from both ears; when the gutteral snorting of a wye-reejunal voyeurs ova' was quaint and not grating; when the housemates were apparently human beings and not still-youthful clones of all the wankers I didn't like at school. In the year 2000, I think. It was the series won by The Craig who wound up in Bo Selecta's closet anyway. I've tried to never look back.

I remember once thinking how this could be a piece of amazing television IF they treated it as a documented experiment on human guineapigs. Anyone agreeing to take part would have to sign enough waivers and contracts to deforest a square acre anyway, it would only be a small step further for them to sign off on their basic rights so the producers could really get stuck in. Truly challenge them, but make them their own masters - You can walk out at anytime... if you can't cut it. If it's too much for ya.

Obviously I was disappointed. It almost achieved my criteria when the contestants were superficially ordinary instead of already being freaks going in. Instead, the lure of tits and ass and occasionally even a glimpse of scrote has apparently guided the makers of this pain to a strategy of boring the inhabitants to the point of either having sex with each other or ceasing to breathe; le petit mort, ou seul le mort (I apologise for my Francais terrible) (and for bringing up Big Brother generally).

But no matter how lethargic the housemates become, the real laziness is on the part of the powers that be - how difficult could it be to think up one task per day for seventy, eighty, even a hundred days? They have eight months to think about it, but instead we get a handful of week-long "tasks" and the ocasional themed party, framed by endless shots of other people sunbathing on the afternoons when the rest of the world has to work, to say nothing of hours of air-time and electricity wasted watching people have a conversation while you only hear a plane going overhead, blessing though it may well be. (I realise my contempt and lack of viewing may be blinding me to the programme's finer points and many stimulating challenges, but I don't care!)

So, here's my challenge to YOU, the dedicated reader who generously trawled through all that blah: What challenges would you set the Big Brotha Household?

There are two categories: One Day Tasks and One Week Tasks. Necessary props must be specified, as well as the max/min number of housemates needed to participate if applicable. No bodily violence. Otherwise, anything goes. If we get 70+ ideas, maybe a generous moderator could be emotionally blackmailed into putting them in an interesting order and then buying out either Channel 4 or Endemol so they can be put into action - or silencing the entire project forever. Either way, I'll feel like I've achieved something. Any takers?
Noumenon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th Aug 2006, 8:46   #2
Hekaterine
Palimpsestarian
laughs in the face of fear
 
Hekaterine's Avatar
 
Join Date: 14 Jun 2006
Location: Afloat!
Posts: 966
Default Re: The Big Brother Challenges

Other than a gladiatorial challenge where they beat each other to death with sticks, I can't think of anything I'd like to see the BB contestants do, quite honestly.

Interestingly (not a word you hear associated with BB these days), when the first BB was made in Spain ('El Hermano Grande'?), all of the contestants banded together and refused to nominate throughout the series and said the Spanish public should decide the winner. It's the only example of successful collective action in any series of BB in any country. Apparently the psychologists reckon it's because of thier proximity to Franco's legacy.

In honour of your bravery in posting BB as a thread, Noumenon, I have put a BB haiku in the other thread
Hekaterine is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th Aug 2006, 9:12   #3
Stewart
Once known as Blixa
takes it to extremes
 
Stewart's Avatar
 
Join Date: 26 May 2005
Location: Glasgow
Posts: 6,884
Send a message via MSN to Stewart
Default Re: The Big Brother Challenges

Hmmm,

Since the crap within seems to be what influences the vacant viewers then the show could perhaps be used as a means of educating the thickarses that can't get up out of a couch with:

Three days a week physical challenges with explanations as to why they are doing them. i.e. Not "Day 4 and the housemates are doing shuttle runs as part of their task" but "The housemates are doing shuttle runs. This is cardiovascular exercise and can help to...."

Two days mental challenges. For example, give them a Scrabble board each and see who can create the biggest score on their own board using all their tiles.

Two days skill challenges. Get them doing woodwork or studying or something that can benefit them. Explain why such things are helpful to the people whose only goal in life is to be on the show. Perhaps they can be given a weekly topic to research and present back to the group a ten minute lecture.

The best thing would be to make the show more competitive so that they are not teaming up with each other but every task they are out for themselves. Better results in challenges would give them more choice over the food they eat. If they are crap at challenges then their diet is more strictly regulated. Of course, the benefits of these new diets (for the fatties) is explained by the voiceover.
__________________
Reading: Concrete Island, J.G. Ballard| flickr | blog | world lit | beer
Stewart is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th Aug 2006, 9:23   #4
HP
Senior Palimpsester
suckles at the teat of the Palim-God
 
Join Date: 2 Dec 2004
Posts: 2,929
Default Re: The Big Brother Challenges

Well, I'm with Hekaterine on this. It's a well-meant question, but I couldn't give a rat's arse what they bloody do to while away the time. While changing channels, I once inadvertently copped a brief twenty seconds or so of this unmitigated crap and have been a BB-free zone ever since. That briefest of brief exposures to the inane shriekings and posturings of Self-Obsessed Talentless Tossers was enough to convince me that to watch it at greater length would turn me into a SOTT-hating Hitler. Round up all the contestants and blast 'em to Planet Wannabe where they can bore each other to oblivion would probably be the kindest Final Solution of all.
HP is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th Aug 2006, 10:17   #5
amner
Administrator
is beyond help
 
amner's Avatar
 
Join Date: 10 Apr 2003
Location: Cambridge
Posts: 10,918
Default Re: The Big Brother Challenges

Honey, they are all rounded up, and they are all on Planet Wannabe. All that's really needed is a big unbreakable lock.
__________________
amner is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th Aug 2006, 10:25   #6
HP
Senior Palimpsester
suckles at the teat of the Palim-God
 
Join Date: 2 Dec 2004
Posts: 2,929
Default Re: The Big Brother Challenges

... and a barrel or twenty of dynamite. Can I be the one to light the fuse, pretty please?
HP is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th Aug 2006, 10:32   #7
Stewart
Once known as Blixa
takes it to extremes
 
Stewart's Avatar
 
Join Date: 26 May 2005
Location: Glasgow
Posts: 6,884
Send a message via MSN to Stewart
Default Re: The Big Brother Challenges

I see HoneyPotts's idea has been seen before:

Quote:
Every day the starving poor
Crowded around Bishop Hatto's door,
For he had a plentiful last-year's store,
And all the neighbourhood could tell
His granaries were furnish'd well.

At last Bishop Hatto appointed a day
To quiet the poor without delay;
He bade them to his great Barn repair,
And they should have food for the winter there.

Rejoiced such tidings good to hear,
The poor folk flock'd from far and near;
The great barn was full as it could hold
Of women and children, and young and old.

Then when he saw it could hold no more,
Bishop Hatto he made fast the door;
And while for mercy on Christ they call,
He set fire to the Barn and burnt them all.
__________________
Reading: Concrete Island, J.G. Ballard| flickr | blog | world lit | beer
Stewart is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th Aug 2006, 10:35   #8
amner
Administrator
is beyond help
 
amner's Avatar
 
Join Date: 10 Apr 2003
Location: Cambridge
Posts: 10,918
Default Re: The Big Brother Challenges

What is the BB swizz? The tabloid were screaming it out yesterday, I noticed? Anyone know?
__________________
amner is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th Aug 2006, 10:41   #9
Stewart
Once known as Blixa
takes it to extremes
 
Stewart's Avatar
 
Join Date: 26 May 2005
Location: Glasgow
Posts: 6,884
Send a message via MSN to Stewart
Default Re: The Big Brother Challenges

Apparently the swizz (well, the latest one) is that some regulator (OFT or OffTel, or whoever) were getting complaints about having to vote for people that they had already voted off the show. The producers, lacking ideas, are putting people back in the house and want the public to vote for which ones. Crap really.
__________________
Reading: Concrete Island, J.G. Ballard| flickr | blog | world lit | beer
Stewart is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th Aug 2006, 10:44   #10
jim
Palimpsestarian
worries mother
 
Join Date: 27 Feb 2004
Location: Essex
Posts: 760
Default Re: The Big Brother Challenges

Yes apparently people are upset that they "wasted" their money voting somebody out of the house who is now going to go back in. Get a f*cking life.
jim is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply



Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Young Working Class Author signs big book deal Wavid General Chat 15 1st Sep 2006 21:29
Big Reading List Wavid General Chat 42 15th Sep 2004 12:18
My Big Fat Greek Wedding Lucoid Film Reviews 1 16th Aug 2004 10:17
The Big Read Shortlist Colyngbourne General Chat 33 7th Nov 2003 19:55


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 15:30.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.