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Old 29th Jan 2006, 16:42   #1
JunkMonkey
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Default Bloody Awful Lyrics

Conned by the reviews which heralded her new album as a return to form and a collection of dance anthems I've been listening to the new Madonna album (whoops! there go half my audience - no, stop! Don't go!). Apart from the first track with the Abba sample it's total and utter pants.


Quote:
Madonna has confessed her husband Guy Ritchie though her album was rubbish when he first heard it.
The pop diva admitted director Guy walked out of the room when she first played him 'Confessions on a Dancefloor', which is currently No 1 in the UK album chart.
She told Britain' Observer Music Monthly magazine: "Guy thought it was s**t."
It does though contain one redeming moment. A beautiful hand-crafted 18 karat, all time crap song lyric. From I love New York:
Quote:
I don't like cities
But I like New York
Other places make me -
feel like a dork

Ker - lunk!

I will spare you the rest of the 'song' which is almost as bad but my obsession with all things awful got me wondering if anyone else had favourite All Time Crap lyrics they would care to share

Best Lyrics of the week award go to Placebo for these lines from Lady Of The Flowers

"confused and racked with self-doubt
she stole the keys to my house,
and then she locked herself out."
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Old 29th Jan 2006, 19:40   #2
John Self
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Default Re: Bloody Awful Lyrics

I was going to defend Confessions on a Dancefloor and then I realised I haven't really listened to it since I bought it. However the current single I'm Sorry is good.

I have a niggling feeling we may have done crap lyrics before, but I can't be bothered to check. In any event I will drop in the legendary worst lyric of all time from Duran Duran, from ... er, can't remember what song:

Quote:
Don't tell me you're easy
You're about as easy as a nuclear war
Ah, the 80s! Don't you miss them?
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Old 29th Jan 2006, 21:52   #3
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Default Re: Bloody Awful Lyrics

Well, I don't know if you can call them 'lyrics' as such, but I've always enjoyed the following exchange...
Bobby! Can I take em to the bridge!
(Go Ahead!)
Take 'em on to the bridge!
(Take em to the bridge!)
Should I take 'em to the bridge?
(Yeah!)
Take 'em to the bridge?
(Go Ahead!)
Hit me now!
...Proof that crappy lyrics do not a crappy song make, I guess!
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Old 29th Jan 2006, 23:09   #4
JunkMonkey
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Default Re: Bloody Awful Lyrics

Quote:
Originally Posted by John Self
we may have done crap lyrics before
I did have a quick shuftie by typing 'lyrics' into the search but nothing obvious jumped out at me.
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Old 30th Jan 2006, 9:43   #5
ono no komachi
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Default Re: Bloody Awful Lyrics

*cough* I think you'll find two words were omitted from those lyrics, John, which incidentally come from the fabulously titled Is There Something I Should Know? (to which the answer is clearly yes, how to write more poetic lyrics would be a good start.)

Quote:
Originally Posted by John Self
In any event I will drop in the legendary worst lyric of all time from Duran Duran, from ... er, can't remember what song:

Quote:
Don't say you're easy on me,
You're about as easy as a nuclear war
Ah, the 80s! Don't you miss them?
No.

I take issue with the claim for worst lyric of all time though, when there is the whole fecund area of 80s soft rock to pick from. This from Europe (the bad rock band, not the continent):

Quote:
We're heading for Venus, and still we stand tall
'Cause maybe they've seen us, and welcome us all.
And don't forget one of possibly the most irritating songs ever penned, Mike Oldfield's Moonlight Shadow:

Quote:
4 a.m. in the morning, carried away by a moonlight shadow
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Old 30th Jan 2006, 12:45   #6
Miriamaok
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Default Re: Bloody Awful Lyrics

My favourite band in the world, The Go-Betweens, who usually write intelligent and interesting lyrics can come up with the occasional line that makes me think they've been at the rhyming dictionary again:

I follow footprints to the edge of the moon
While the silver moves around the room
Your sister says your ship is sailing soon
Sighs and whispers from the red lagoon


Urg.
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Old 6th Feb 2006, 20:22   #7
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Default Re: Bloody Awful Lyrics

No discussion of lyrical howlers is complete without the inclusion of this gem, from the Iron Maiden classic, Alexander the Great.

Quote:
A Phrygian king had bound a chariot yoke
And Alexander cut the ’gordian knot’
And the legend said that who untied the knot
He would become the master of Asia
Spinal Tap were never this funny, and they were trying!
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Old 6th Feb 2006, 20:57   #8
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Default Re: Bloody Awful Lyrics

Quote:
Originally Posted by Daveybot
Well, I don't know if you can call them 'lyrics' as such, but I've always enjoyed the following exchange...
Bobby! Can I take em to the bridge!
(Go Ahead!)
Take 'em on to the bridge!
(Take em to the bridge!)
Should I take 'em to the bridge?
(Yeah!)
Take 'em to the bridge?
(Go Ahead!)
Hit me now!
...Proof that crappy lyrics do not a crappy song make, I guess!
haha, who sings that one? Bloody amusing.

Shania Twain's Don't was unbearably aweful to me. But then generally I dislike any and all pleading, begging, complaining, crying, etc, etc...in those so called love songs.

Edit: Here is the lyric:

Don't!
Don't... don't you wish we tried?
Do you feel what I feel inside?
You know our love is stronger than pride... oh
No don't... don't let your anger grow
Just tell me what you need me to know
Please talk to me, don't close the door


Hmmm, 'cause I wanna hear you
I wanna be near you


[Chorus]
Don't fight, don't argue
Give me the chance to say that I'm sorry
Just let me love you
Don't turn me away
Don't tell me to go


Don't!... Don't give up on trust
Don't give up on me, on us
If we could just hold on long enough

Hmmm, we can do it
we'll get through it


[Chorus]
Don't fight, don't argue
Just give me the chance to say that I'm sorry
Just let me love you
Don't turn me away, don't tell me to go

Don't pretend that it's okay
Things won't get better that way
Don't do something you might regret someday...
Don't!

[dobro solo, instrumental]
Don't give up on me
Hmm, Don't!
(We can do it) We'll get through it

[Chorus]
Don't fight, don't argue
Just give me the chance to say that I'm sorry
Just let me love you
Don't turn me away, don't tell me to go

Don't! (Don't fight dont argue)
Don't give up on me
(Give me the chance to say that I'm sorry)
Say that that I'm sorry
(Just let me love you)
Don't give up on me
(Don't turn me away)
Don't tell me to go

Don't!
(Don't fight don't argue)
Don't give up on me
(Give me the chance to say that I'm sorry)
Say that that I'm sorry
(Just let me love you)
Dont give up on me
(Don't turn me away)
Don't tell me to go...

Last edited by Bricklane; 7th Feb 2006 at 0:53.
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Old 6th Feb 2006, 21:15   #9
rick green
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Default Re: Bloody Awful Lyrics

Where's that confounded bridge?
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Old 6th Feb 2006, 21:20   #10
JunkMonkey
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Default Re: Bloody Awful Lyrics

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bricklane
haha, who sings that one? Bloody funny.
Are you SERIOUS? If you am, you must be the only person on the planet who has never heard (or sampled) James Brown's Sex Machine.

My new favourite Bloody Awful Lyric comes from Curtis Mayfield's Billy Jack (covered, it turns out, by Lenny Kravitz)

Quote:
Up in the city they called him boss jack
But down home he was a alley cat
Ah! didn't care nothing about being black
Oh! billy jack

Can't be no fun (can't be no fun)
To be shot, shot with a hand gun
Being mown down with a semi-automatic rifle presumably being a barrel of laughs...
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