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Old 3rd Nov 2006, 0:54   #3
Noumenon
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Join Date: 13 Jul 2006
Location: Madrid, Spain
Posts: 3,786
Default Re: OLD WOLF - a short story

HP, Thanks for the praise, I'm really pleased you like it, but thanks also for the critique - I want to do something with this, enter it into a competition or something, but I've never quite felt it was ready and feedback is what I need.
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Originally Posted by HP View Post
Or perhaps, fable, would be a better term.
Fable-uous (wince), this was exactly what I was aiming for.

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Originally Posted by HP View Post
Based on this showing, you've got a natural sense of timing for such things, I think.
That's kind - too kind. I've had story structure thoroughly drilled into me, but this was the first time I tried putting it into conventional fiction (as opposed to a screenplay) because it was the first short story I'd written since going back to university. Having said that, perhaps a little natural brilliance and modesty was present beforehand.

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Originally Posted by HP View Post
If I may offer a tiny carp - it's the term, 'small prey'.
This is what I was after - in my first draft I used one word, hunt, to reference everything in that part of the wolf's consciousness: the act of hunting and the creatures the pack consume were both called "the hunt", even his last meal and the baby he carries became "the small hunt" and "the young of the smallest hunt" (or something like that, I forget exactly).

When I read it to my writer's circle they found this problematic so I reverted to the more straightforward "hunt" and "prey", but I was never sure if even this worked. I'm reluctant to give in entirely and in the end just call them "the rabbit" and "the bunny", but "the smallest of young prey" is a (wait for it) bit of a mouthful.

I still need to think a little, but your thoughts are much appreciated.
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