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Old 6th Nov 2004, 17:54   #21
John Self
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suffers from smallness of vision
 
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Join Date: 27 Jun 2003
Location: Belfast
Posts: 15,939
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More from McSweeney's.

Quote:
ACTUAL DIALOGUE FROM RADIO COMMERCIALS THAT I'VE BEEN ASKED TO DELIVER "BELIEVABLY"

BY BRIAN SACK

- - - -

Just a minute, honey! I'm downstairs installing a new Filtrete Air Filter.

Mmmmmhhh. What happened to those sandpaper feet? They're so soft now. Went to the podiatrist, eh?

Thomas, my friend, the meat gods have known their will.

They're a credit union, Walter, a credit union offering an honest 3.9 percent car loan in a shifty 0 percent world.

Well, Publix salmon has a mild and pleasant flavor. And they trim the skin off in the store, so you don't have to do it yourself.

You know, that's hundred-percent-guaranteed gas you're putting in your car there.

Boy, I'd love a chocolate-glazed Munchkin from Dunkin' Donuts.

Less fat in your food means fewer calories in you!

Golf shop! Hee haw! Go golf shop! Woo Hoo!

I want to relax by the pool with someone I love.

Ohhh, baby, this new Dannon La Creme Mousse takes indulgence to a whole new level. Mmmm...

Yes, I do believe someone is slicing juicy, very tender roast beef at this very moment.

If I have to go around the world to make sure our customers get the taste they expect when they buy our cheese, I'm ready.

There's a new laxative on the horizon.
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