should be ashamed
Join Date: 19 Oct 2005
Location: Highlands of Scotland
Re: 2007 Filmlists
- Sgt. Kabukiman NYPD - A streetwise New York cop is, by a twist of fate at the opening night of the first kabuki production of The Odd Couple, tranformed into a Crimefighting Japanese Superhero! Things can only get better as the year goes on...
- The Train (aka "John Frankenheimer's The Train") - a film that just gets better every time I see it.
- Daughter of Horror - Public domain weirdness downloaded from here. (If DVDs count Kim, so do downloads). Aka Dementia this has got to be the oddest movie I have seen in ages, a silent journey into madness that looks like it was shot by Ed Wood and Orson Wells on alternate days from a script idea by David Lynch - and made in 1955! The movie is most famous for being the film that was playing in the movie house in The Blob (is that 'famous'?).
- La Morte Viene Dallo Spazio - coo! forrun fillums! The New Year's resolution taking hold? ...er ...no. The American title of this badly dubbed 1958 Franco - Italian co-production was The Day the Sky Exploded. Hides head in shame and sneaks off to watch:
- Teenage Zombies - I need help.
- The Corpse Bride - A real disappointment. I am going to start avoiding movies with Danny Elfman scores.
- Agency - I watched a Lee Majors movie‽
- Sabotage - early sound Hitchcock, beautiful stuff.
- Alien Autopsy - slight but fun little movie. Surprised to see my mate Paul as a TV exec. I'd forgotten he'd told me he'd worked on it. Harry Dean Stanton as ever was just plain brilliant. The man does less and less and just gets better and better.
- L.A. Confidential - it would have been a but (and I feel like a total prick for saying this) Kim Bassinger was too old for her part. There was a really crappy edit that hit me in the face too - a weird little double action when Pierce's character goes to pull out his badge twice before going on to insult Lana Turner - which reminded me it was a movie - which I hate when I'm engrossed (as I was).
- Spontaneous Combustion - laughably awful Tobe Hooper thing about people who burst into flames after nuclear experiments. So bad it was weirdly good.
- The Saphead - (1920) which has not stood the test of time and would have easily vanished into oblivion unnoticed, if it wasn't for the sole fact it was Buster Keaton's first feature length film. Because it IS Buster Keaton's first feature length film it is available on DVD with a couple of his brilliant shorts.
- The Apartment - one of those film I always thought I had seen but, as it turns out, hadn't. Loved it!
- Werewolf in a Girls' Dormitory - aka I Married a Werewolf. 1962 Austrian Italian werewolf movie with far less T&A than the title would suggest - well, none to be exact - Poo!
- The Alpha Incident - Dull, Low budget 'SF' the only plus side being it did contain slightly more boobage than the Werewolf movie.
- UFO: Target Earth - Sublimely incomprehensible awfulness that took 2001: A Space Odyssey, and Close Encounters Of the Third Kind, added a budget of nothing, and scored a massive 9 on my What-the-fuck?-o-meter.
- The Doomsday Machine - Lurid trash SF which started filming in 1967 but was abandoned half way through shooting and shelved. Five or so years later a different director, who couldn't afford to hire any of the original cast - or anything else for that matter, 'completed' it. It's a shambles. I loved it.
- Prisoners of the Lost Universe - The scriptwriters ran out of ideas after they came up with the title.
- The End of the World - Killer aliens disguised as nuns!
- Evil Brain From Outer Space - 1950s Japanese kid's Super-hero movie serial edited down to one baffling indigestible feature-length chunk.
- The Manster - Misguided Japanese scientist turns nice guy American newspaperman into two-headed homicidal fiend. Better than it sounds - but not much.
- They (aka Invasion from Inner Earth) - Indie, no budget, no idea SF movie about Martians from the earth's core incoherently destroying the world.
- Robot Pilot - Boring 1941 B pic.
- Ring of Terror - Dreadful 1962 drive-in crap.
- Frozen Alive - dull
- Hercules in New York - Bad oh sooo bad bad bad bad bad. Best line:"He is but an impetuous youth, Zeus!" Try saying it; it's a line that fits the mouth like an old sock.
- Octopus 2 - Jaws with a giant Octopus. In New York.
- TC2000 - moronic 'SF' kickboxing movie. Two lines of exposition followed by five minutes of take-it-turns-to-kick-each-other-into-piles-of-things fighting followed by two lines of exposition etc.
- Im Stahlnetz des Dr. Mabuse (The Return of Dr. Mabuse)- Gert Frobe, lots of John Alton type 'one big light' cinematography, dodgy dubbing, and Tarzan in a suit.
- Flight to Mars - cheap 1951 SF from a company more used to making westerns.
- The Lost World - the first 1925 silent version.
- This Is Not A Drill - 1962 cold war no budgeter that could have been a lot better but was still better than the sum of its parts.
- Bakterion (aka Panic) - Godawful Spanish / Italian 'horror' flick starring a Kiwi and a Swede, set in the UK and containing the dullest 'chasing a monster through a sewer' sequence ever shot. Dire.
- Funeral In Berlin - OK-ish sequel to the staggering work of genius that is The Ipcress File.
- Le Dernier Métro - two hours of my life spent watching other men snog Catherine Deneuve - I now officially hate Gérard Depardieu.
- Memento - I'm sure there are holes in the plot you could drive a bus through, but interesting nevertheless.
- The Pink Panther - sad I know, but I laughed like a drain.
- Masters of the Universe - He-Man with a mullet? Come on!
- The Mistress of Atlantis (1932) - weirdly hypnotic tale about two French Foreign Legionnaires discovering Atlantis in the Sahara.
- Night Fright - 1967 Drive in shit in which Middle-aged Teenagers are terrorised (a bit) by a Gorilla-suited 'mutant'.
- Young Einstein - a deeply stupid little movie which I love to bits for all sorts of reasons.
- Eternal Evil - Canadian TV 'The Hunger' wannabee which was a confusing mess but had a couple of nice moments - and Karen Black. I love Karen Black.
- The Brute Man - (MST3K remix) Not even Mike and the Bots could make this sad little film anything but a tasteless waste of time.
- The Norman Rockwell Code - Funny little parody of Dan Brown's thing. See it here.
- Gremloids - silly low-budget Star Wars spoofoid, that makes me laugh.
- Death Race 2000 - I finally got to see it! I've been trying to get to see this movie for about 20 years on and off. Dated but it still has its moments.
- Alien Contamination - Gory cheapo Italian Alien rip-off with an interesting solution to the famous and perennial Bad Italian Movie Dubbing Problem - gas masks.
- How To Get Ahead in Advertising - Hmmmmmm my internal jury is still out.
- Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell - (MST3K) - oh I am so overwhelmed with indifference.
- Blue Velvet - I just love the weird unearthly quality of Lynch's movies. They are like semi lucid dreams - bad dreams but dreams.
- Memoirs of an Invisible Man - brain dead mediocrity from John Carpenter that kept my eyes occupied as I kept the sofa warm. (24 hours later the true horror of what I had done hit me. I had watched an ENTIRE Chevy Chase movie.... and laughed.) then going from the ridiculous to the sublime the next night I watched:
- Cyrano de Bergerac - The 1990 with Gérard Depardieu. I was hooked from the opening shot and I was in tears by the end.A magnificent movie. Why did it take me so long to get round to watching it? Why don't I speak French? and then some. Next night wanting to avoid any disappointment I watched:
- Good Against Evil - a total of a Rosemary's Baby / Exorcist clone TV pilot. I kid you not. A 1977 TV pilot about a lone wanderer and his priest sidekick/mentor seeking, week after week, his one true love who an evil sect have groomed since her birth to be the bride of the devil Astaroth. I can just see the light bulb going on over the producer's head "The Exorcist: The TV Series? how can it fail?!" It did.
- Alien Zone - A 1978 portmanteaux 'Horror' film made in Oklahoma. However bad that sounds to you the reality was worse.
- Dünyayi kurtaran adam (AKA The Turkish Star Wars) - My god! I am watching this movie in instalments. There is only so much of it I can take at one sitting. It is insane. Imagine, if you can, a Science Fiction Bollywood Kung-fu film with great chunks of Star Wars sliced in seemingly at random and the subtitles written in pure Borat. It is incomprehensible and hilarious in equal measure. The Star Wars footage was spliced in from an anamorphic print (all squashed up and needing to be projected through a special lens to make it widescreen) while the Turkish bits were shot in academy format (more squareish). Result? The Death Star looks more like the Death Egg. Huge fun. Watch it on line free here.
- Eraserhead - I get at last! This must be the fourth time I've seen this movie and I finally get it! It's a comedy!
- Space Mutiny - (MST3K) A good week for really bad movies made in exotic locations using bits of far better movies in an attempt to make themselves look more expensive. First Turkey, now South Africa. If I tell you that the 'better movie' in this case was Battlestar Galactica you will get an idea how truly bad this was. The MST3K version is here if you want.
- The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies!!? - (MST3K) I've been finding a lot of Mystery Science Theatre 3000s on the web at the moment (At this point I should like to say "Woohoo! Google Video Rocks!" - but I'm a middle aged Brit and it would sound wrong so I'm not going to.)
- Robot Holocaust - (MST3K) Dire, stand in a line, and deliver barely intelligible, barely memorised lines, crap 80s SF directed by someone who went on to greater things - directing porn movies.
- Godzilla Vs Megalon - (MST3K) Sweaty Japanese guys in rubber suits thump each other a lot
- The Robot Vs. The Aztec Mummy - (MST3K) This counts as three movies! A 1958 Mexican threequell, the first 2/3rds of which consisted of the first two movies in the series rehashed in stonkingly clumsy flashback, which culminates in a hilariously stupid fight between the Aztec Mummy and a radioactive robot with no knees that looked like it came out of a Crash Corrigan serial. Why do I watch this stuff - i mean why?
- Future War - (MST3K) Belgian kick-boxer from outer space teams up with novice ex-hooker nun to defeat pursuing alien android overlords and their variably-sized trained killers dinosaurs. God, it must have looked so good on paper...
- The Space Children - (MST3K) Better than not very good, low budget, cold war, aliens saving us from all out thermo-nuclear heck movie.
- Operation Double 007 aka Operation Kid Brother aka Secret Agent 00 aka OK Connery - (MST3K) an Italian 1967 James Bond knock-off / spoof and the screen début of the great, and tragically neglected Neil Connery, brother of Sean Connery, who thanks to an amazing bit of casting, plays the brother of the world's most famous secret agent, a lip-reading, plastic surgeon with oriental hypno-powers, by the name of Dr Neil Connery. How I laughed.
- The Man Who Would Be King - More Connery - blessed synchronicity. Loved this film for years. Cracking acting and effortless direction.
- Alphaville aka Dick Tracy on Mars, or Tarzan vs. IBM - Laugh out loud, part Noir pastiche, part incomprehensible existential European SF by Jean-Luc Goddard.
- Rocketship X-M -
- The Independent - as a break from the cheesy low budget movies - a very funny little movie about a cheesy low budget movie director. I so want to see Twelve Angry Men And a Baby.
- Bedknobs and Broomsticks -
- Rocketship X-M - (MST3K) I have watched two different versions of this very dull movie in the last two days. I suspect I will shortly need medical help. (I mean, apart from anything else, I find it slightly scary that I OWN two different versions of this very dull movie.)
- The Day The Earth Froze - (MST3K) 1959 Finnish Wagnerian weirdness. One Finnish movie a year is enough.
- The Fury Of The Wolfman - bewilderingly bad 1964 Spanish werewolf movie.
- The Projected Man - (MST3K) Dull British clone of The Fly.
- Prince of Space - (MST3K) Yet another serial rendered down to a movie length mess - this is the fourth I have seen this year. It is not a form that lends itself to any kind of appreciation as it has no redeeming qualities what soever.
- The Nightmare Never Ends - Total 70s horror shit, but with three Directors on the credits and two DPs why did I expect anything else?
- The Lost Continent - Cheap Lost World knock off containing footage lifted from (Dear god! Noooooo!) Rocketship X-M
- Lady Ice -Dull Thomas Crown wannabee that seemed to be have been made by filming Donald Sutherland on holiday.
- Counterblast - 1948 British 'thriller'.
- The Hound of The Baskervilles - Hammer films, l love 'em, total tosh but great tosh.
- The Phantom Planet - dreadful early 60s SF
- The Bride of the Monster - Ed Wood Jr's second greatest bad film with some truly inspired weird acting moments from Bela Lugosi.
- Rancho Notorious - Great title! Fritz Lang, Marline Deitrich. and Cowboys. Odd.
- Dark City - gorgeous comic book nonsense. If you ever watch it keep the sound down until the watch shows 12, as it has one of those dreadful tacked on pre-credit narrations that fuck up the whole mystery before it starts.
- The Dresser - Tom Courtney. What a brilliant performance and this is one of the reasons I don't watch good films. I was was an emotional wreck at the end of this movie. I have to stop watching films about long unexpressed love. I've seen two recently, Cyrano and this, and I was snivelling wreck at the end of both of them. Hanky jobs both times. I'm going back to watching androids fighting; cheap 60s SF movies don't make me feel life an emotional dishrag at the end.
- The Dark Crystal - a cuddled up on the sofa (or in daughter number one's case behind the sofa. "It's a bit scary.") wet Sunday afternoon movie which was not as good as I remembered but it kept the kids hooked.
- A Scanner Darkly - weird and interesting (and funny) but how did they let continuity errors get through in an Animated movie?
- Prayer of the Rollerboys - in a future world, only one man stands in the way of formation rollerblading, drug dealing, fascist street gangs in white trench coats and Flock of Seagulls haircuts - and that man is... Corey Haim. As bad as it sounds.
- Withnail and I - I laughed
- Goodbye Lenin - I cried. The great thing about watching so many crap movies is that when I get to see a good one it really goes to work on me.
- Jimmy Neutron - Boy Genius - CGI animated kids nonsense, and like a lot of animated kids nonsense a lot funnier and better made than most movies for adults.
- Attack of the Killer Tomatoes - Stupid fun.
- Wild Women of Wongo - I had never actually seen this classic piece of drek before. If I have, I had forgotten every frame and...
- Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women - it was 'Women Night' on the Crapmoviethon sofa.
- Attack of the Monsters - Space Bimbos! Giant Space Turtles! What's not to like? Best Line of the movie: "You're right, we'll eat their brains after we've fixed the ship."
- I Was a Teenage Werewolf - (MST3K) This movie didn't have any best lines.
- Samson Vs The Vampire Women - (MST3K) My first encounter with a Mexican wrestling Horror movie - a strange genre, and an experience I shared with Phoebe in Portland as she took a break from painting her kitchen. I went to the movies with someone 8 thousand miles away via Skype and a bit of ad hoc synchronisation. I love the Web.
- Confidential Report - Orson Welles at his most baroque.
- His Girl Friday - Comfort movie.
- Steal This Movie - OK, but not great, Biopic of Abbie Hoffman only watched because I have a thing about the yummy Janeane Garofalo.
- Mr. Robinson Crusoe - they don't make them like this any more. Thank god.
- The Man Who Knew Too Much - First time I had seen the original version. Some very nice moments but not my favourite (yet) early Hitchock
- Orlando - I love every frame of this movie (even those with Billy Zane in them). Every frame.
- Cabaret - Liza Minnelli - perfect! Joel Grey - brilliant! Oh but dear god why did they cast Michael York? Tomorrow Belongs To Me gives me the shivers.
- I Heart Huckabees - What a pretentious, self-indulgent pile of crap! I hope this lost whoever made it a LOT of money.
- Raising Arizona -
- Paycheck - total turd of a movie. Pointless, explosion-ridden expansion of an adequate, but not that good, Philip K Dick short story.
- The Return Of The Four Musketeers - almost good.
- Django Against Sartana - Tinned Spahetti Hoops western
- Witchfinder General - A genuinely one-off piece of movie making. The nearest thing (that I know of) to an English Spaghetti Western. Great stuff.
- The Amazing Transparent Man - (Note to self: Avoid Science Fiction movies made in Texas in future - especially those shot in only one week flat.)
- The Butterfly Effect - Over-long but vaguely interesting. Took me ages to work out what it reminded me of, and then it came to me, it was Bedazzled, the Peter Cook and Dudley Moore pact with the devil film from 1967, only longer - and not at all funny.
- Explorers - whimsical piece of 80s feel-good kid's SF which charmed the pants off me.
- Killers From Space - The second gloriously inept film I have seen by Billy Wilder's younger and infinity less talented younger brother Wilhelm. Another copyright-free piece of shit available here from Archive.org. (Why should I suffer alone?)
- Zontar: The Thing from Venus - a virtuoso directorial job of getting three people to take turns to sit on the same two sofas and act the plot out at one another while a rubber monster hides in a cave.
- Ran - Wow! King Lear in Japanese. Amazingly wonderful.
- Il Sol Anche Di Notte - Loads of 18th Century searching for God, sexual repression, and lovely scenery in very slow, ravishingly beautiful detail. Good stuff.
- Naked Gun - It makes me laugh. I feel no guilt.
- Dracula - The slow, plodding 1931 Bela Lugosi version.
- Dracula - the simultaneously made, much better, Spanish language version.
- Dracula's Daughter - 1936 sequel to the above. (Guess who got a box set for their birthday...)
- Son of Dracula - and just to complete the set:
- House of Dracula - Dracula, The Wolf Man, Frankenstein's Monster, Misguided Kindly Doctor Turned Evil By One Of His Own Experiments, and (as a brilliant cherry on the cake) a Hunchback Nurse! Trash heaven.
- Final Justice - (MST3K) Terrible.
- Naked Gun Two and a Half - (see 7).
- Creature - Dire Alien clone with Klaus Kinski, who was obviously a bit short of the readies that week. The Something Unexpected But Inevitable (SUBI) event 15 minutes in: After a seemingly safe landing, the heroes' Space ship crashes through the moon's shallow crust and is buggered beyond repair.
- Colussus and the Amazon Queen - Dear god! (15 minute SUBI: Our hero meets our heroine and discovers his companions have been taken captive by buxom Ponygirl Amazon Women with insane, first series Star Trek hair dos).
- Danger!! Death Ray - (MST3K) One of the more weirdly punctuated titled bad movies I have watched recently. Pretty shit.
- L'Effrontee (An Impudent Girl) - Delightful French awkward adolescence movie. Charlotte Gainsbourg was wonderful. She had to be - she was on screen for 95% of the time. The only wrong notes were the spelling mistakes in the subtitles.
- The Giant Gila Monster - Public Domain rubbish, a dead cheap, dead crap, monster movie (get it here!) that I have been wanting to tick off my list for a while now. (That's not a real list, it's just an expression. I'm not that sad.)
- La Belle Noiseuse: Divertimento - Well that's two hours of my life I want back. Two hours of watching rich French people telling each other life was unbearable in incomplete sentences. The subtitles for this movie had more ellipses that any other movie I have seen. I am so glad I didn't suffer the four hour version.
- Little Miss Sunshine - not as good as was expecting given all the good reviews and word of mouth but an agreeable way to spend an hour and a half.
- Silence of the Hams - I have been told I posses an almost inhuman tolerance for bad movies. This piece of garbage strained it beyond belief. Total and utter crap.
- Repo Man - I love Repo Man.
- Straight To Hell - Straight to eBay.
- Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter - "Igor, go to your room!". What a piece of crap! I now want to see the other half of this 1966 drive in double bill - Billy the Kid versus Dracula.
- The Amazing Colossal Man - (MST3K)
- The Brothers Grimm - I tried so hard to like this movie. I mean really really hard, and failed.
- Amazon Women on The Moon - if you ever find yourself in possession of this DVD skip the movie and watch a lovely little deleted scene called The Unknown Soldier.
- The Wolf Man - The 1941 Universal version with Lon Chaney Jr.
- The Vindicator - Canadian 80s SF shite. But even worse than that, DULL Canadian 80s SF shite.
- Werewolf of London - Universal's first (1935) bash at a werewolf movie and not bad at that.
- Battle of the Worlds - Delirious 1960s Italian SF
- Asignment: Outer Space - Ditto
- Hercules and the Tyrants of Babylon -
- They Came From beyond Space -
- Bedazzled - Peter Cooke and Dudley Moore's 1968 masterpiece
- Bedazzled - The Brendan Fraser and Liz Hurley pointless remake.
- The Lady From Shanghai - Never seen it before. Loved every frame.
- Gold Diggers of 1933 - I am besotted with Joan Blondell, have been for years. The Forgotten Man number at the climax of this movie gives me the shivers.
- Bride of Frankenstein - Universal Studio's greatest movie of the 30s.
- The 39 Steps - (Hitchcock's version)
- My Dear Secretary - dreadful Kirk Douglas screwball 'comedy'.
- Strange Days - Overlong (thirty minutes of material stretched to two and half hours by throwing a shitload of money at it) this bombed when released. It deserved to.
- The Quiet Earth - What a great little film!
- 2 Days in Paris - which I enjoyed more than it deserved because it was the first time I had seen a real movie in a real movie theatre for about two years.
- Tron - I love Tron. Well, I love it after our hero gets sucked into the computer and the fun really starts the first act - the live action, let's dump a lot of exposition and then put ourselves in peril bit - is a stinker.) Saw it for the first time since seeing it when it first came out widescreen. Not squished up, panned and scanned, ropey old video.
- George of the Jungle - It's Christmas....
- Taxi - bof!
- The Big Lebowski - I laughed like a drain. This was a good thing.
Abandoned for various reasons, but mostly because they stink:
- Terror at Red Wolf Something-or-other 1970s girls alone in big scary house crap.
- The Phantom Creeps - 265 minute (12 episode) Bela Lugosi serial edited down to an incomprehensible mess of a 78 minute feature film.
- Shadow of Chinatown 300 minutes of garbage 1936 Bela Lugosi serial cut down to 65 minutes! Even more incoherently crappy than the last one.
- Laser Mission - Brandon Lee action crap. I lasted 15 minutes after adding Brandon Lee to my 'Dying Young Was A Good Career Move' list.
- Equilibrium - Christian Bale, Emily Watson - and I turned off after 3 minutes. Some films you can just taste the shit coming from so far off. Set in a future where all emotions are illegal - ie no acting required for at least the first act - it was Fahrenheit 451, with added 1984, and tons of Matrix type ultra-violence slopped over - Balls to that.
- Werewolf Woman - no one expects much from Italian horror movies but this plot free mix of softcore tits 'n' ass and gory violence bored me stupid. Abandoned after 45 minutes, 7 murders and more on-screen pubic hair than was good for any movie.
- Beast of the Yellow Night - Filipino horror movie took too long to go nowhere not very interestingly. 15 minutes.
- Piranha - I didn't get past the first real edit in the movie. A record for me. Still didn't stop me being rude about it on the IMDb.
- Devil of the Desert Against the Son of Hercules - I fell asleep (halfway through the title).
- Carnosaur - I gave up at the point where the traditional 'couple making out in the car about to be attacked by the monster on the loose' - were attacked by a glove puppet of a dinosaur. It looked like they were being savaged by an oven mitt.
Most bewilderedly trance state inducing movies of the year so far:
UFO: Target Earth
, Dünyayi kurtaran adam, The Fury Of The Wolfman
Running total 101
(-ish, I lost count somewhere).
Linked titles (in bold) are pointers to my reviews/comments on IMDb.com. Unlinked, I didn't have anything worth adding to what was already there. Not that what I do have to add is very profound when I do have something to say.
Last edited by JunkMonkey; 31st Dec 2007 at 0:36.