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John Self 10th Sep 2004 16:21

Top Ten Driving Irritants
Call me Alan Partridge, but when I get behind the wheel of a car I immediately hate everyone else on the road. So forget drunk drivers, joyriders (or "don't call them joyriders, call them death-drivers" as our tabloids prefer) and the truly dangerous, this is a list of the really petty niggles...

1. People who think you can only go to a petrol pump where the nozzle is on the same side as your petrol cap. The hose is twenty feet long for Christ's sake! This is only irritating when I am in a queue behind them of course. And even then it's sometimes fine, if I can get to nip in front of them, pull the hose across the car and look smug.

2. People who pull into the outside lane to pass a car parked entirely on the pavement. No part of it is on the road! It's not there! You're perfectly safe - now stay where you are!

3. People (again when they're in front of me) who crawl towards red lights in the hope of having to avoid coming to a complete halt so the lights will have changed by the time they get to the line/vehicle in front. Why?? Stop your first-gear shenanigans, you dolts.

4. People who wear a hat when driving. Nuff said.

5. Tailgaters. Don’t you realise I’ll just slow down?

6. BMW drivers. When oh when will those crazy Germans fit indicators as standard on their vehicles?

I need a lie down now. Add to the list at will.

Wavid 10th Sep 2004 16:26

7. (An extension of 1.) People who use the first petrol pump they come to, despite the fact that they could drive through the the next one, thus allowing someone else to have a go at the same time (if you see where I am coming from). I have only seen this done once, and by the look of the bloke that did it, he wasn't very sane, and displayed a classic case of RPG squint.

amner 10th Sep 2004 16:44

8. Speed merchants. Sorry, is that dull? I surprised my inlaws, outlaws, freinds and family the other day at a barbie when a car sped past, revs a-go-go, clearly doing 70 or 80 in our 30-zone-near-a-school, by leaning out of thefront door and shouting 'TWAT!' at the fullest, gruffest volume I could manage.

Cue break in conversations and hastily re-aligned stares when I turned round.

Hate 'em.

NottyImp 10th Sep 2004 16:49

OK, I'm not a speed merchant, but doddering fools who do 40 mph (or less) on a perfectly good stretch of 60 mph road really do annoy me.

NottyImp 10th Sep 2004 16:50

Oh, and people who recklessly overtake to get one car ahead when there's a line of slow-moving traffic a mile-long in front of you. Idiots.

Jerkass 10th Sep 2004 17:53

10) People who don't seem to understand 'Yield' signs despite the fact that the signs quite clearly tell you, in English, what to do.

Colyngbourne 10th Sep 2004 18:02

'Baby on board'/'Small person on board' signs

John Self 10th Sep 2004 18:47

Yes Col, these must be one of the most widely misunderstood/abused things of all time (not wishing to exaggerate). Have we had this discussion before somewhere? Anyway they were originally intended to alert rescue operations, police, firefighters etc that there may be a tiny wee person flung from the wreckage or lodged in a corner somewhere in the event of an accident. Of course they are most commonly used as injunctions to Keep Your Distance, to the extent that some designs adopt this misinterpretation by saying something like "Please Slow Down - Small Person on Board". And they use them even when there isn't a baby on board. Grrr.

NottyImp 10th Sep 2004 19:31

So I'm meant to drive differently because there's a baby in the car in front? How bizarre...

John Self 10th Sep 2004 19:59

Maybe we could have alternative versions, like Jim Davidson on Board, which would encourage people to drive faster and more recklessly.

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